I am whipped. I’ve been lazy all day, sleeping from eight to two and sitting on my couch watching football because Cam and I returned home from Buffalo very early this morning.
The plan was devised Wednesday night. I received a text from Cam saying “Would you want to goto Buffalo is Saturday?” Of course I said yes. We priced tickets out and when all was said and done, we scored tickets in one of the end zones thirty rows up for only ninety dollars.
Cam and I decided that we would leave for Buffalo on Friday night and roll in late Friday, early Saturday. We were staying with Kyle at his apartment at Niagara County Community College.
We left from Cams house in Springfield at 5:30 on Friday night. I handled the aux cord playing a mix of Kid Cudi, Bruce Springsteen, and Mac Miller. We pulled off two ours into our ride just past Albany to gas up and grab dinner. We saw the sign for Roy Rogers, and after looking at the map, there were no other rest areas for the next seventy five miles so we were at our last resort.
We ate at Roy Rogers grabbing cheeseburgers and fries between middle schoolers going on a ski trip. It was adequate, but I wish there was another option.
We got back on the road and I assumed my position on the aux cord playing MGMT while Cam navigated the Expedition. We discussed the NFL All Pro teams and the snubs, and boy do I have thoughts about that that you’ll read this week.
There was really no one on the road, looking left and right seeing the occasional tractor trailer. Every so often, a city would pop up or a casino, and then we were back to isolated land. It was a peaceful, yet daunting ride.
I think we pulled off again maybe near Utica to gas up and take piss, but then we were back on the road immediately. Cam and I talked about serial killers and how they become the way they are followed by coaching high school football and playing college football.
We continued to cruise and look for New York state troopers who are pretty damn good at hiding on the highway. Around 11:30, Cam and I got off the highway in Niagara and reached Kyles apartment which is right next to a motel and looks as sketchy as you’d expect.
We walked through the 1 degree weather and met some of his teammates before unpacking and relaxing for the night. We woke up around 9:00 the next morning and knew that it was game day. After showering up and throwing two layers on, we grabbed breakfast at Tim Hortons which is GAS.
I wish Tim Hortons would replace a few Dunkins in CT.
With us being so close to Niagara Falls, we stopped by because I had never seen it before. Kyle parked us about a mile away from the Falls so we walked through the 0 degree weather, over an icy bridge, and to the Falls. The mist coming off the water made it very tough to see it so, it was a bit disappointing, but cool nonetheless.
We returned back to the apartment around 12:30 and Cam and I knocked out taking 2 hour naps. Well needed for the night.
We threw on our base layers for the game at the apartment. Mine consisted of a tee shirt, a Nike crewneck, Vineyard Vines sweatpants, and jean overalls that I grabbed from Tractor supply, with two pairs of socks, Timbs, and a Patriots beanie.
After getting into our warm clothes, we threw our other layers in the car and drove to Buffalo after stopping at Consumers to grab Bud Light. Fun fact, Dr. McGillicuddys nips are I guess a New England thing because we could not for the life of us find them in Buffalo.
Succeeding us grabbing our essentials for the game, we went to one of Kyles teammates house 10 minutes from the stadium. We watched the start of the Bengals game and at 5:15 we tossed on our top layers and hopped in the car to goto the tailgate. My outer layer was a Ben Mintz Barstool hoodie, a fuzzy and colorful Polo sweater, and a wind resistant face mask.
We reached the tailgate and met up with more of Kyles teammates. It was absolutely bananas. Every lot was filled with trash can fires, grills, and Bills fans who I don’t think had all of their teeth.
After hanging out for 10 minutes, we walked about a quarter mile to one of Kyles teammates dads tailgate that BLOWS anything Patriots fans do at Gillette. There was a DJ, about twenty heaters, and I think I counted three OJ Simpson jerseys.
The worst part of the whole tailgate was cracking open a Bud Light and watching it turn into a slushy. At 6:15, Cam, Kyle, and I walked to the stadium to get in early. We got through the gates and made our way down to field level and watched Michael Onwenu and Stefon Diggs warmup.
In between us getting into the stadium and the game beginning, I took a piss which was a battle in itself because I had to find a way to get my member out through sweatpants and overalls. But I became elated when I saw that there was a troth in the bathroom which is absolutely ELECTRIC.
I will retract my statement about Bills fans later on, just wait.
The game began and we goto see a pretty cool tradition. Shout plays through the speakers and all the fans yell “SHOUT”. When the “SHOUT” part ends, the fans yell “Let’s Go Buffalo”, which I found pretty great.
Our seats were right in the middle of scumbag Bills Mafia who were screaming at us when Allen would run. I think the inbred ginger behind me thought that I was Matt Judon because he kept saying “JUDONS NOT MAKING ANY PLAYS, YOU AREN’T DOING NOTHING”. Odd.
At one point we had to stand on our bleachers to let older ladies go by, and some dickhead two rows back started yelling at us to sit down. Kyle and I shouted back at the drunk Canucks to fuck off and we went back to watching the game.
The Pats were getting thumped 27-3 when the half ended and we were demoralized. What was weird for me is that I’m not a Pats fan, but it still felt shitty watching them get thumped.
The third quarter began, and that’s when the cold started to get to us. The -5 degree chill was kicking our ass.
In that same quarter was where I found my problem with Bills Mafia. When Kendrick Bourne scored in the end zone that we were sitting in, he was on the receiving end of objects being hurled at him.
Look, the dildo was hilarious. That seems like a Bills tradition now to keister in a twelve inch rubber dick and toss it on the field, but I don’t like full beers being tossed at players. Even if Vikings fans were doing it I wouldn’t condone the actions. You simply just don’t do that.
The one part I agree on is that some dumb Bills fan through a Labatt Blue Light at Bourne. While I think he should have thrown it in the trash, no one should be drinking that dog shit Canuck beer.
We left at the beginning of the fourth after another Buffalo score and made the drive back to Niagara.
My biggest takeaway from the game was that New Englands linebacking core is just too slow and not athletic enough to compete with versatile quarterbacks like Josh Allen, Lamar Jackson, and Kirk Cousins. In addition to that, the Patriots receivers were not a big help for Mac Jones.
When we got back to Kyles apartment in Niagara, we started up the Expedition and packed our bags. After saying our goodbyes to Kyle, Cam and I hit the road back east.
I hopped back on aux while Cam drove and I played a good variety of Blink-182 and Kanye West. I ended up knocking out for maybe an hour and then woke up to take a piss and fill up.
With around two hours left in the drive, Cam and I performed a Chinese fire drill at a rest stop so he could get some sleep and I drove the rest of the way. I was in my glory being able to listen to Spose and the Kirk Minihane Show as I drove with literally NO ONE on the road. For about 45 minutes I did not see a single vehicle.
We pulled off the Mass Pike and Cam woke up. We drove another ten minutes to his house in Springfield and unloaded the car. I started mine up and Cam and I said goodbye. We both came to the conclusion that we didn’t regret a thing about this trip and we were happy that we pulled the trigger on it. It was a success.