I Am Currently Throwing Up Violently and Balling My Eyes Out After Seeing The Kirk Cousins Extension, Please Send Help

This is the worst deal EVER.

I am currently unwell. I’m sweating like a mad man, forcefully vomiting, and scream crying like a banshee after I saw the news that the Vikings were giving Kirk Cousins a one year, 35 MILLION DOLLAR EXTENSION THROUGH 2023. This is easily the worst thing to ever happen to me or anyone ever.

JPA Football  @jpafootball

Breaking: #Vikings signing QB Kirk Cousins to a 1-year, $35M fully guaranteed extension for 2023, per @TomPelissero

March 13th 2022

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This deal keeps Cousins in Minnesota through the 2023 season where he will get 35 million dollars guaranteed with a no trade clause.

Bleacher Report @BleacherReport

Vikings have signed Kirk Cousins to a 1-year, $35M extension, per @TomPelissero This will keep him in Minnesota through 2023 with a no-trade clause

March 13th 2022

120 Retweets1,445 Likes

My biggest takeaway from this extension is that Cousins agent Mike McCartney is a God damn genius and scam artist. He convinced the Vikings to extend a guy that has one playoff win and a record of 60-61-2 through ten seasons. Thinking about it now, when I graduate I want McCartney negotiating my job offers.

I’ve been a big defender of Kirk Cousins through his four years in Minneapolis especially after the season he just had. He put up outstanding numbers in 2021 passing for 4,221 yards, 33 touchdowns, and 7 interceptions. He was ninth in the NFL in passing yards and touchdowns.

While his numbers were good last year, I just cannot justify extending a guy that has won your franchise one playoff game with a top three running back and a top three receiving duo. Especially for the money that was given to him. It just makes no sense at all.

This 35 million dollar extension buckles the Vikings cap space and makes it difficult to sign players to turn the Vikings into contenders. I am physically ill at the thought of next season and the season after that. This team continues to hurt and disappoint me year after fucking year.