The Craziest Wins That FBS College Football Teams Count

With Michigan hitting their 1,000th win recently, I think it'd be fun to see what other sham wins teams have counted.

Last week, the Michigan Wolverines football team amassed their 1,000th win in program history. Awesome feat, right? Well, when you factor in that a lot of their early wins came against high schools, asylums and one can only imagine small uninhabited nations, it’s not that impressive.

While I’d love to pile on the Wolverines for waving this false flag of 1,000 victories, I really can’t. Other powerhouse programs have been doing this since the dawn of time, including my Notre Dame Fighting Irish.

LSU: New Orleans YMCA

Now I know LSU fans and when you bring up anything about the Tigers, they’ll snap back at you with their high and mighty SEC bullshit. Great, you play Vanderbilt and Arkansas once a year. Congrats. But what’s worse than LSU playing those teams is that they beat the New Orleans YMCA in 1901. A time that, I imagine is comprised of old dudes who like to hang dong in the locker room and kids that just wanted to play tennis, had to play against the LSU Tigers. Granted, at this time there weren’t traditional powerhouses, but it’s still a major disadvantage for those suiting up for the YMCA.

Nebraska: Omaha Balloon Team

Yes, you read that right. You might be asking, what is the Omaha Balloon Team? I wish I could answer that for you, but I can’t. I did a lot of research about what it could be and couldn’t find a single thing about the Omaha Balloon Team. I did find that the Cornhuskers played the Omaha Balloon Team in 1918 and Nebraska won the game 19-0. Congrats on the win… I guess.

Notre Dame: Chicago Dental Infirmary

This one hurts to write because I’ll usually defend Notre Dame football with every ounce of strength that I have, but this is unacceptable. I imagine that the Chicago Dental Infirmary was comprised of guys who looked like Hermey the Misfit Elf from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer and Notre Dame was probably a team packed with ass-kicking running backs and linebackers.

This game took place in 1897 and the Chicago Dental Infirmary’s schedule had other medical institutions and in the process, they picked up some wins. But they did get walloped by Notre Dame 62-0. If I’m being honest, with the way Notre Dames season is going, I wouldn’t hate for them to schedule another dental infirmary for 2024. Just to boost the morale.

Tennessee: Tennessee School for the Deaf

The low hanging trope people use when a team has an easy schedule is to say “What, are they playing the school for the deaf?” In the case of Tennessee, they did play the Tennessee School for the Deaf in 1905. You probably think this was a blowout game. Well, it wasn’t. The Tennessee School for the Deaf only lost 16-6 to the 3-5-1 Volunteers in their only game of the season. I’m not sure if this is an inditement to the Volunteers being a poverty program or if Tennessee School for the Deaf is a sneaky underdog squad that people don’t want to play? I mean, I haven’t seen anyone schedule them in my lifetime.

Penn State: Homestead Library

This is one of the rare losses on the list here. In 1901, the Penn State Nittany Lions got WALLOPED by the Homestead Library & Athletic Club football team 39-0. While that does look bad that one of the perennial juggernauts lost to Homestead Library, that Homestead Library team went 10-0 during the 1901 season. At the time, they were legit program, but it’s insane to me that the Homestead Library smacked around both Penn State and Brown in the same year.